mutatedsiopao

Friday, January 06, 2006

Uninspired

*sigh...I've lost feelings for my siopao...why?? It's because I confessed my feelings for him to my friends.

Friends sometimes take away the essence of your affections by teasing you or everytime they tell you when and where they saw your crush. I know that they just want to help me with my so called love life(?), but...It tends to lose the mystery and my longing to see him.

Here's what happened...today is just another ordinary day when the phone rang...It's my girl-friend (a friend who is a girl...not the other one) she is with her Bf in our other friend's house. She was asking me about our assignmet. Then to my stupidity... I brought the topic to siopao. Her Bf w/c is also my friend started to talk about siopao to our other friend( who is by the way a close friend of siopao and has no idea about my secret) *sigh. I just thank God that he is so slow to be clueless about my feelings towards his friend or he is just pretendingthat he didn't know. Anyway...I'm already late for our class. As always I will sit beside my girl-friend and her Bf...I was hoping that they wont make any move to put me closer to my crush...but to my dismay they did!!!... they chose a seat where in I'm infornt of him....I didn't noticed it first until my friend made a remark ..." I think you will be happy if our prof will arrange us in alphabetical order" .... At that time my affection.....gone!!

waaaaa now...I've lost every ounce of affection. And the truth is it sucks!!!

Posted at 08:58 pm by Weiss_raven
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Monday, January 02, 2006

Welcome 2006

Wow...I haven't got anything new in my blog and I havent't done any progress to.....anything I 'm supposed to do.

Anyway It's 2006!!! Happy New year to all...It might be already late but...hey!! I'm just 2 days late hahahah

Posted at 08:42 pm by Weiss_raven
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Thursday, August 18, 2005

Alamat ng siopao

Marahil alam nyo na kung ano ang siopao. Ito ay maputi na tinapay na may palaman sa loob, ngunit ang alamat na ito ay hindi tungkol dun kundi tungkol sa pinag mulan ng aking alyas o pangalan…

Nag simula ito nung ako’y nasa ikalawang taon sa kolehiyo. Ako ay inaantok habang nag tuturo ang aming propesor. Sa aking di pakikinig na sulyapan ko ang ginagwa nang aking katabing, kaklaseng lalaki….siya po ay gumuguhit ng larawan nang isang “anime”. Sa aking pagkamangha sa kanyang talento, hiniram ko ang kanyang ginawa at ipinakita ito sa aking katabing babae, siya rin ay natuwa. Pagkatapos naming titigan ang larawan ibinalik ko ito sa kanya. Hindi ko na matandaan kung may sinabi pa ako o wala. Kinabukasan seryoso akong umupo sa aming silid. Bigla akong kinausap nang aking katabi at nagtanong ito ng pangalan ko. Aking napansin na siya rin pla ang aking katabi sa isang klase kung saan inisyoso ko ang kanyang pagguhit .Dun na nag umpisa ang aming pag kakakilala. Nalaman ko na may mga pagkakatulad kami lalo na sa mga interes katulad nang mga larong online at pagguhit. Minsan pa nga ay napansin kami ng aming propesor na nag dadaldalan kung kaya’t kami ay tinawag upang sagutin ang kanyang tanong. Salamat naman at nasasagot naman namin siya. Isang beses pa nga sa pag susulit, marahil ay napansin nya na wala na akong masagot sa aking papel kung kaya’t ako’y kanyang tinulungan. Ibinulong nya sakin ang alam nyang sagot ngunit sa aking pag mamataas hindi ko iyon isinulat kung kaya't ako ay bumagsak hehehe. Sa isa naming klase, bigayan na ng mga papel sa pagsusulit. Ang sabi niya ay bagsak daw siya dun, upang hindi na siya mag alala sinabi ko na pasado siya. Aba!! nakipag pustahan sakin…ang sabi nya pag nanalo daw siya ay susuntukin nya ako (aba sino ba namang papayag dun) tanong naman ako…”Pano kung tama ako?” Napaisip ang mokong, wala sigurong maisip kung kaya sinabi nyang susuntukin nalang din daw niya ako. Pabiro kong sinabi sa loob ko na “kunwari ka pa gusto mo lng ng kiss eh hahahaha.”. Nang natanggap na nya ang kanyang papel siya ay natuwa dahil siya ay pumasa samantalang ako ay bagsak. Sinabi niyang “Dapat kasi ay may inspiration ka.”. Tinanong ko naman kung sino naman kaya ang pawede kong maging inspirasyon. Nag isip siya muli….At nag banggit ng pangalan ng matandang artista. Napatawa nalang ako sa kanyang biro. Sa isa naming pag uusap may naitanong siya sakin kung iiwanan ko ba ang lahat para sa taong aking mahal (parang ganun ung tanong, di ko na kasi matandaan ang eksaktong tinanong niya). Ang sagot ko ay depende….hehehe di ko kasi maseryoso ang mga ganung tanong dahil parang walang katuturan. Sa tatlong buwan naming pag kakakilala….sa di inaasahang pangyayari ako ay nagkagusto sa kanya…(Ano ba ito ang korny hehehe). At dun ay binansagan ko siyang siopao.

Bakit siopao…ano kilaman niya sa pagkain na iyon?

Mukha ba siyang siopao?

Maputi kaya siya?

Mataba kaya?

Mahilig ba siya sa siopao?

Hmm….kau na bahala mag isip kung bakit….hehehhe ang totoong sagot ay di makikita sa mga tanong na iyan.

Posted at 12:37 am by Weiss_raven
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Sunday, August 07, 2005

Her life

Sometimes I don't know where or which road I'm going to take. I feel that I don't know my "personal legend" yet, but I hope I could find it soon or rather I hope it's not too late to find it.

I have read a book lend to me by my sister... it's entitled "The alchemist". It's a story about a shepered boy named Santiago. He left all he have even the girl whom he likes in order to find his personal legend... a treasure. In his journey he met many people who changed his life and perception. He also met the love of his live named Fatima, a desert woman. Here are the things I've realized after reading it.

- Even though we may take different ways or detours in life we will always arrive in one path. Like the caravan in the story... the boy realized that they sometimes take a different path because of large rocks but their path is always going to north.

-One does not need to have a reason to love or to be loved.

I cant remember the quotes written in the book... but I hope to share it one day.

Posted at 08:20 pm by Weiss_raven
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Sunday, July 24, 2005

Confused

I got this problem and it did quite bother me.... Some people's first impression about me is that I'm a lesbian which I'm not. I don't know why...but then I asked one of my friends and she said maybe because I look like a cold person. I'm not really sure what she ment, but what I think is that I look like cold hearted person. Yeah I'm not the girly type ... I'm contented with just T shirt and jeans. Oh well... that's life!!!

Posted at 07:32 pm by Weiss_raven
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Thursday, July 14, 2005

vast wall

There I walk along the broken wall that surrounds a community inside. Behind me were two lovers…my friends. I didn’t want to disturb their conversation as they stroll under the moon and the stars. I felt kind of left out, but then I found peace while walking alone and looking at the scenery outside the vast wall. Being unaccompanied isn’t that bad…it’s an opportunity where I can find independence and contemplation.

Posted at 11:13 pm by Weiss_raven
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Wednesday, July 13, 2005

The corridor

She was there sitting alone at the corridor head down while listening to alternative rock music looking at every student’s feet that pass by, when suddenly a familiar pair of shoes stood right in front of her. Slowly she tilt her head up…. there stood a young man smiling at her. The warmth of his smile made her face lit up and her gloomy dark brown eyes turned to shining amber. He offered a hand for her to stand up… and side-by-side they walk together along the corridor where she once kept her soul in solitude.

Posted at 09:55 pm by Weiss_raven
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Tuesday, July 12, 2005

The professor and the student

I have read a forwarded email from my sister and I just want to share it....

The Professor

"Let me explain the problem science has with Jesus Christ." The
atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks
one of his new students to stand. "You're a Christian, aren't you, son?"

"Yes, sir."

"So you believe in God?"

"Absolutely."

"Is God good?"

"Sure! God is good."

"Is God all powerful? Can God do anything?"

"Yes."

"Are you good or evil?"

"The Bible says I'm evil."

The professor grins knowingly. "Ahh! THE BIBLE!" He considers for a
moment. "Here's one for you. Let's say there's a sick person over here
and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help them? Would you try?"

"Yes sir, I would."

"So you're good...!"

"I wouldn't say that."

"Why not say that? You would help a sick and maimed person if you
could...in fact most of us would if we could...God doesn't."

-No answer.

"He doesn't does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer,
even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him. How is this Jesus good?
Hmmm? Can you answer that one?"

-No answer.

The elderly man is sympathetic. "No, you can't, can you?" He takes a
sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to
relax. In philosophy, you have to go easy with the new ones. "Let's
start again, young fella. Is God good?"

"Err...Yes."

"Is Satan good?"

"No."

"Where does Satan come from?"

The student falters. "From...God..."

"That's right. God made Satan, didn't he?" The elderly man runs his
bony fingers through his thinning hair and turns to the smirking
student audience. "I think we're going to have a good semester, ladies
and gentlemen." He turns back to the Christian. "Tell me, son. Is
there any evil in this world?"

"Yes, sir."

"Evil's everywhere, isn't it? Did God make everything?"

"Yes."

"Who created evil?"

(No answer)

"Is there sickness in this world? Ugliness, immorality, hatred? All
the terrible things--do they exist in this world?

The student squirms on his feet. "Yes."

"Who created them?"

(No answer.)

The professor suddenly shouts at his student. "WHO CREATED THEM? TELL
ME, PLEASE!" The professor closes in for the kill and climbs into the
Christian's face. In a still small voice: "God created them, didn't he?"

(No answer.)

The student tries to hold the steady, experienced gaze and fails.
Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace the front of the classroom
like an aging panther. The class is mesmerized. "Tell me," he
continues, "how is it that this God is good if He created all evil
throughout all time?"

The professor swishes his arms around to encompass the wickedness of
the world. "All the hatred, the brutality, all the pain, all the
torture, all the death and ugliness and suffering created by this good
God is all over the world, isn't it, young man?"

(No answer.)

"Don't you see it all over the place? Huh?" Pause. "Don't you?" The
professor leans into the student's face again and whispers, "Is God
good?"

(No answer.)

"Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?"

The student's voice betrays him and cracks. "Yes, Professor, I do."

The old man shakes his head sadly. "Science says you have five senses
you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you seen
Jesus?"

"No, sir, I've never seen Him."

"Then tell us, have you ever heard your Jesus?"

"No, sir, I have not."

"Have you ever felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelled your
Jesus...in fact, do you have any sensory perception of your God
whatsoever?"

(No answer.)

"Answer me, please."

"No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't."

"You're AFRAID you haven't?"

"No, sir."

"Yet you still believe in Him?"

"...yes..."

"That takes FAITH!" The professor smiles sagely at the underling.
"According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol,
science says your God does not exist. What do you say to that, son?
Where is your God now?"

The student does not answer.

"Sit down, please."

The Christian sits...defeated.

Another student raises his hand.

"Professor, may I address the class?"

The professor turns and smiles. "Ah, another Christian in the
vanguard! Come, come, young man. Speak some proper wisdom to the
gathering."

The Christian looks around the room. "Some interesting points you are
making, sir. Now I've got a question for you. Is there such thing as
heat?"

"Yes," the professor replies, "there's heat."

"Is there such a thing as cold?"

"Yes, son, there's cold too."

"No, sir, there isn't."

The professor's grin freezes. The room suddenly goes very quiet.

The second Christian continues. "You can have lots of heat, even more
heat, super-heat, mega-heat, white heat, a little heat, or no heat,
but we don't have anything called 'cold'. We can hit 458 degrees below
zero, which is no heat, but we can't go any further than that. There
is no such thing as cold, otherwise we would be able to go colder than
negative 458--you see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the
absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in
thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of
heat, sir, it's just the absence of it."

Silence. A pin drops somewhere in the classroom.

"Is there such a thing as darkness, professor?"

"That's a dumb question, son. What is night if it isn't darkness? What
are you getting at?"

"So you 'believe' in darkness?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry, but science says you're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not
something, it is the absence of something. You can have low light,
normal light, bright light, flashing light, but if you have no light
constantly, you have nothing, and it's called darkness, isn't it?
That's the meaning we use to define the word. In reality, darkness
isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker and give
it to me in a jar. But you can't give me a jar of darker darkness, can
you Professor?"

Despite himself, the professor smiles at the young effrontery before
him. This would indeed be a good semester. "Would you mind telling us
what your point is, young man?"

"Yes,! professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to
start with, and so your conclusion must be in error..."

The professor goes toxic. "Flawed...? How dare you...!"

"Sir, may I explain what I mean?"

The class is all ears.

"Explain...oh, explain." The professor makes an admirable effort to
regain control. Suddenly he is affability itself. He waves his hand to
silence the class, for the student to continue.

"You are working on the premise of duality," the Christian explains,
"that, for example, there is life and then there's death; a good God
and a bad God. You are viewing God as a concept, as something finite,
something we can measure.

Sir, science cannot even explain a thought. It uses electricity and
magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood them. To
view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that
death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite
of life, merely the absence of it."

The young man holds up a newspaper he takes from the desk of a
neighbor, who has been reading it. "Here is one of the most disgusting
tabloids this country hosts, Professor. Is there such a thing as
immorality?"

"Of course, there is, now look..."

"Again, I'm sorry sir, but you are wrong. You see, immorality is
merely the absence of morality. Is there such a thing as injustice?
No, injustice is the absence of justice. Is there such a thing as evil?"

The Christian pauses. "Isn't evil the absence of good?"

The professor's face has turned an alarming shade of red. He is so
angry, he is temporarily speechless.

The Christian continues. "If there is evil in the world, Professor,
and we all agree there is, then God, if He exists, must be
accomplishing a work through the agency of evil. What is that work God
is accomplishing? The Bible tells us that it is to see if each one of
us will, of our own free will, choose good (the result of the love of
God) over evil the result of independence or the absence of the love
of God). "There is nothing greater than love. God is love and God is
good. If He is good, then the innate act of his goodness would be to
give man the opportunity to experience the greatest thing that exists
-- love. But love cannot be forced on someone or else it is not love.
There must be a choice involved. God loved us enough to allow us to
make the choice. Evil is the result of the choice of independence from
God."

The professor bridles. "As a philosophical scientist, I don't view
this matter as having anything to do with choice; as a realist, I
absolutely do not recognize the concept of God or any other
theological factor as being part of the world equation because God is
not observable."

"I would have thought that the absence of God's moral code in this
world is probably one of the most observable phenomena going," the
Christian replies, "Newspapers make billions of dollars reporting it
every week! Tell me, Professor, do you teach your students that they
evolved from a monkey?"

"If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man,
yes, of course I do."

"Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir, or are you
placing your 'faith' in the unobservable?"

The professor makes a sucking noise with his teeth and gives the
student a silent, stony stare.

"Professor, since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at
work and cannot even prove that this process is an ongoing endeavor,
are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist,
but a priest?"

"I'll overlook your impudence in the light of our philosophical
discussion. Now have you quite finished?" the professor hisses.

The student replies: "May I follow up on the point you were making
earlier to the other student?"

The professor wisely keeps silent.

"I believe you have a great mind Professor, but with all respect let
me ask the class a question regarding it. Is there anyone here who has
ever heard the professor's great mind... felt the professor's mind,
touched or smelled the professor's mind?"

The class remains silent.

"No one appears to have done so. No one here has had any sensory
perception of the professor's mind whatsoever.

"While I would not dare to imply it myself, but wouldn't the
limitations of what you 'believe in' (the rules of empirical,
testable, demonstrable, protocol, science) say that you have no mind?
Wouldn't the same apply to your emotions and your will? "I believe
your great mind is hidden within your brain although I cannot observe
it within the small box, or within the limited parameters which you
want to place God within.

"If I want to know your mind or better yet the real you (your mind,
emotions, will and even your spirit), all I have to do, if you are
willing to be known, is be willing to seek to know you and to spend
time with you.

"You can know that God exists, .... if you are willing ... Are you
willing Professor?"

Silence Silence Silence Silence Silence Silence Silence

The bell rings.

"Class dismissed," replies the professor. "Time is up!

Author Unknown

Posted at 11:06 pm by Weiss_raven
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Monday, July 11, 2005

fooling around

Last night I was online in my YM, and had a chance to talk to one of classmate, which I consider a brother (lets just call him onichan). I was kinda teasing him and pretending that I'm mad at him because of what happened in the enrollment.

*flashback (enrollment)

I was with a friend waiting for someone until they came. The girl friend of mine told me what onichan said to them about leaving me alone in one subject and the "bye bye beni" remark. I was a little mad at first but then...who cares.

In our conversation he explained to me what he had really said and that some things are bit exagerated. He was worried because he thought he really made me angry. I told him not to worry since I'm not really furiuos and he don't need to be concern about him being decapitated hahahaha. After our chat he decided to get back at my friend by making her guilty or something. He told me to act furious at him and he will tell her that she must straight things up. Well her reaction is kinda funny because she really wanted to make things right between me and onichan. At the end of the day everything was alright....I don't know if she figure out what we did hehehe. I hope when she figure it out she will take it as a joke. ^_^

Posted at 09:38 pm by Weiss_raven
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Sunday, July 10, 2005

averted vision

"The eyes see anything in its preference while the heart could perceive beyond the horizon."
-siopao(me ^_^)

Have you ever felt the utter emptiness that digs deep in your heart?
And no matter what you do there's nothing that can fill up hat hole.
Because the thing is you haven't figure out what could be the cause of that void.

Why do I act this way?
Is it lack of self esteem,
or I'm just scared to know the truth?
The truth that I could fall head over heels
and hurt myself.

I tried to act like nobody could ever make me sigh* or "kilig" well no one did... Until I met the person who almost made me cry..."almost".... because I just laugh it off. Laughing or even smiling made the pain go away. It may sound crazy but it helped. (To clarify things... I didn't laugh hard like a disturbed girl.). I believe that there will come a time where in the thing I've always avoided will come and I'll fall hard that I couldn't stand alone anymore, but for now I shut my mind off things like that and enjoy my life.

Once someone said "I really like you." I just laughed at him. I never took it seriously thinking its just a joke, but then he persisted and at that is the time it registered to me. However the effect is akward,
instead of liking him back I became scared and avoided him. I just wanted to be his friend it never occur to me that it will end up this way. I remember that we just had a short conversation and few laughs. I can't even figure out why would he feel that way. I don't consider myself pretty, smart or anything close to perfect... I'm just simple and sometimes don't want attention.I even dressed and act boyish when he acompany me in going to school to turn him off. A friend told me to give him a chance...but I decline his opinion. Well now I think he gave up, but were still friends and I'm happy with that.

Posted at 09:23 pm by Weiss_raven
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